Coping with cancer is one of life’s biggest challenges; having to wait before you know how you are going to deal with it takes things to a whole new level.
When it happened the first time, once I got over the worry and anxiousness having been told it was cancer, going through the usual questions, the solution was a lot more straightforward than I expected it to be.
That is, take the offending objects out (which in this case was my thyroids) and somewhere down the line, take a pill the size of an “M and M” sweetie and try not to set off any shop alarms for three months (See the original Thyroid Diaries for more information).
Now the “Big C” has returned in a more annoying version. I knew that this time, I was going to get what I would refer to as the traditional treatment. I never expected it would take so long.
The problem was what type of treatment? With Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, I was told that if it was contained in the neck only, it would be radiotherapy; anywhere else would be chemo.
On a preliminary examination, I was told that it was a stage 1 lymphoma, but with earlier scans showing some other questionable discoveries on other parts of my body, I could not rule out it being at a higher stage.
This was going to be a lot more serious that the cancer journey about 12 years ago. Lymphoma, especially the non-Hodgkins kind is difficult to shift. And having read about some high-profile cases where it was anything but a happy ending, I was worried.
There was several weeks before I would get any clear answers.
It would be a waiting game of more scans and for the results to come through. I was determined to stay positive. If it was in my neck, I knew I could handle that. I was not pondering any other options.
However, as the waiting game continued, there were days where my morale would hit rock bottom where fear would kick in, and I would even question my own mortality.
But having learnt out how to deal with moments of depression in recent years, I was able to get my brain back on track when I remind myself of one sentence used in case of emergencies like this:
“I have Cancer, but Cancer does not have me.”
When I say that, it brought me back to reality in that I know my own body and the only part that is giving me any problems is my neck. I am not feeling symptoms anywhere else. I always do my own research. Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to health.
As weeks passed, I was thinking less of the treatment as I was getting more frustrated. I felt I was in a state of limbo.
But as the weeks continued, based on my symptoms on own research, I was convinced that the initial diagnosis was correct. And thankfully, the scans were completed, where luck was on my side.
It is cancer, but it was low grade stage one. When I was diagnosed initially, there was talk of six weeks radiotherapy; now it is two and a half.
Now at the time of writing, things are now moving as I go for a pre planning scan tomorrow where they will work out where they are going to zap my neck and take out the source that has been feeding those dodgy cells.
I will also be fitted out with a protective mask, which would not look out of place in an old-style Doctor Who episode. I wonder if, when this is over, I will get to keep it as a souvenir.
One thing is for sure: the waiting game is just about over.
I am now ready to kick Cancer’s Butt.