When you reach a certain vintage, it is wrong to think of you being one step into the knacker’s yard, I like to put a more positive spin on things.
Physically, I can say with confidence that I can do the same as I used to do in my early 20s. I might need 30 minutes to recover, but that is me being technical.
But as someone who is on a fast track to retirement (well already have the bus pass) I am certainly heading in that direction. Got four more years to go on that. It will be party time when that happens.
I fancy celebrating that moment when it comes, somewhere exotic, like Blackpool, maybe?
Maybe that will be the one time when we turn up at the Tower Ballroom when it is open and we do not have to carry our suitcases with us.
We still have time to think about that, but Blackpool has a special place in my heart. It was the start of my performing journey with the Scotland Latin American Formation Team, dancing in front of thousands at the Winter Gardens Empress Ballroom.
But history has shown that it was the launching pad towards my career with Butlins as well as has been on the receiving end of Cupid’s Arrow and eventual years of romantic bliss with Mrs Frankie Boy.
Yes, she does read my posts.
That side has been well documented, but I have not said much about my actual time as a member of the team. I intended to rectify that just now,
And as we are getting Strictly Come Dancing withdrawal symptoms, I thought it would be a good idea to talk about the way we used to do it.
Welcome the first in a new series, “Tales from the Dance Floor”. I am not going to talk about my first ever dancing class, but I thought I would give you a story about my Formation Team days.
I have so many wonderful memories of my days with the team: the first appearance at Blackpool, the TV Shows, etc. There is plenty of material out there.
I thought that I would start things off with something away from the TV cameras.
Apart from the competition, side, we would be asked to perform at various venues across the central belt. Everyone had their own story to tell, like a renowned Scottish Entertainer trying to dance a Cha Cha in his Kilt at Glasgow’s Plaza Ballroom.
But I would like to take you somewhere well away from the city of Glasgow to a place I would say was a 45-minute drive away in the back of beyond.
We were delighted to accept an invitation to appear at Erskine Veterans Residential Hospital (sorry if I got the name wrong). I had already clocked up a few appearances under my belt, including a TV stint, so I was well settled into my role.
We were going to bring a piece of “Come Dancing” to their small hall, performing our routine which starts off with the dramatic “Avengers” theme.
We felt that It was a great way to make an instant impact, turning into the spot, raising our hands in the air, launching into a running forward lunge.
They were all looking forward to our demonstration, and so were we. Whenever we did these demos, we always want to give the best show possible.
Fully dressed in our TV outfits, we walked out onto the floor to a generous round of applause. We were primed and ready to go.
The tape machine was working, which was one worry out of the road. My fellow team members and I were ready to turn and explode into our power lunges.
However, that was when we made our first mistake, when we found out that this is a ballroom routine that was being performed on a non-ballroom floor. Which meant it did not have the natural slide that we were used to.
As we ran forward, one of our guys found his dance shoes was missing its natural slide component and landed face first on the floor. But these things happen, and like a Pro, you keep going.
We usually allow for one mistake, and that was it.
Not this time.
Have way through the routine we would be in samba mode, lined up in a perfect circle, producing our best Volta moves. What we did not expect was a wardrobe malfunction from one of our ladies.
Thankfully for them, we were the only ones who could see our colleague trying desperately stopping the front of her Latin dress from falling to a level that would get some the residents palpitations.
We were so considerate to our fellow team member’s plight, we struggled to finish the last part of that routine for laughing. We had never ended a performance in hysterics.
We had our “professional pride”, so we asked if we could do it again. The residents were not complaining.
We lined up to deliver an even better opening to our routine. There will be no mistakes this time.
Time for another wardrobe malfunction – this time it was my turn.
Running into our opening power lunge, my dance shoes were routed to the spot, where my catsuit could not take the strain, causing a massive rip up my inside leg where I was feeling more than a breeze. Which was not something I expected indoors.
And there was also the demise of any dignity that I had.
During the rest of the performance, my leg was flapping about, which was not a welcome sight, especially during the jive section.
The must worrying part was at the end when I had to adopt a classic jive crab position.
This placed me in full view of one of the lady residents who saw more than she needed to see, which including an eyeful of my 70s style psychedelic undergarments.
At the end, she was gracious when she offered to fix the offensive rip.
I thanked her for the offer, but politely declined. I was worried if she would want to bite the thread at the end.
I have had some amazing memories as part of the Scotland Team, but that was the most embarrassing.
However, looking back, I think that was the sign that I was destined to doing daft things as a Butlins Redcoat.
For if I could handle that, then I could handle anything.